Fearing breaths

2009-11-13T10:28:00.000-08:00

Omg why do i still get ads from nuffnang here hahahaha.
People please visit : www.mon-x.tumblr.com

Thank You Very Much I Love Yall.

Every Step We Take,

2009-10-29T04:48:00.000-07:00

Tumblr Updated

Happiness Never Lives Long Enough,

2009-10-28T21:56:00.000-07:00

2009-10-26T03:37:00.000-07:00

Updated

I Refuse. I Refuse . I Refuse

2009-10-25T23:15:00.000-07:00

Hi Baby.
Here's Our Evidence That We Did Went Out Yesterday.
I Love You.

We're So Trapped .
Between The Things That Others Push You To Do And The Things That We Really Wanna Achieve.
Are You Doing The Things You Do Because You Want To?
Or Simply Because You Need To?
To Make Someone Proud?
To Prove That You're Worth It?

So It's A Need To Love What You Do And Not Do What You Love.
Oh I Get It.

So What Do You Feel After Following What Others Tell You To Do?
Worth It?

I Feel Like A Piece Of Crap.

A Heart Made Of Gold,

2009-10-24T06:01:00.000-07:00

I Won't Update Often Here So Please Visit My Tumblr Instead.
Thanks.

Have some commitment in the things you do,

2009-10-21T21:00:00.000-07:00

Woo I skipped school today.
Post exam activities are shit man.
We dont get to do anything except to watch performances that will eventually put us to sleep.
So why is the school making us watse timeee!

ShaneDawson YamiYogurt Tumblr Facebook Blogger

And Lastly, Happy Birthday To Whoever, You Know Who You Are.

If you fall, take my hand,

2009-10-20T21:27:00.000-07:00

I got my results for both languages.
I did pass.
But is it good enough for a promotion?

I'm feeling so unsure.

Just like the empty hearts,

2009-10-20T01:14:00.001-07:00

Let Me Pull Through This Round Of Probability

Every Man Dies,

2009-10-19T02:50:00.000-07:00

There's Something Wrong. But I Don't Know What.

So all of us die one day,

2009-10-18T21:32:00.000-07:00

SAY "PLEASE"
SAY "PRESS"
SAY "FLUSH"

SAY "PLEASE PRESS FLUSH"

If your tongue ties,slap yourself.
Oh and there you are,laughing off your chair.

Do what you will, always walk where you like, your steps,

2009-10-18T04:09:00.000-07:00

Best Gifts Ever Given To Me.
I'll Never Walk Away Like How Others Did,
I'll Always Be Here When You Need Me.

Follow My Tumblr

2009-10-18T03:30:00.001-07:00

TUMBLR
UPDATED

If you were to widen your mind,

2009-10-18T00:45:00.000-07:00

Do come down in funny costumes if you should.
And early birds you'll get the ticket 2$ cheaper.
So please come before 4!

I don't say I always make the right choices.
I tend to hurt people as well.
To protect , you have to sacrifice.

It may seem like as though you don't know anything.
Sometimes not saying a word doesn't means defeat.
You're just tired and you want this to end.
Right?

So why fight for something not worth fighting for.
Get on with the things that you do.

Dont give a fuck.
You'll get older very soon if you dont keep your mind off irrelavent issues.

So why the stress?
Save your youth.

The concrete walls closing in,

2009-10-17T01:54:00.000-07:00

Looks doesn't matter.

Fame doesn't matter.

Beauty never matters.

What ever that's coming out from your mouths.

Doesnt matter.

All that matters are my friends ,

who'll always stand by.

And to the people who doesnt have the balls to write their name down while tagging,

never matters.

2009-10-14T02:56:00.000-07:00

I Think I'm Changing To Tumblr Permanently Soon.
It's So Retarded Blogging At Two Places.

Plus Two Blogs Are Way Too Much Space To Story My Life.
There's Not Much To Wirte About Anyway.

By not speaking your mind sometimes,

2009-10-14T00:15:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday To You! :)

Good thing i found your charger,i saved you a lot of cash man.

Having the last paper tomorrow and I'm gonna be free.

Got to buck up on my vocals already, had jamming yesterday but it sure sucked.

It seems like I had alot of Hanis this week .

And I'm loving it so much.

Remember to remind me to go to your Graduation Day.

I'll bring a bottle of garlic chilli for you!

I'm pretty calm these days.

With most things going the way I hoped it would.

Well, I'm gonna be a hardcore hang-outer soon.

Missed my friends a whole lot.

So what I do think about all the time,

2009-10-10T23:05:00.000-07:00

ENGLISH
CHINESE
~~SOCIAL STUDIES~~
Art Art Art Art Art Art
Maths Maths Maths Maths

I remember doing this with Elfac. And I cant bear to put it on sale. So I'll just keep it :)

I had a hell load of fun with Hanis yesterday.
We went dating,watched (500) Days Of Summer (good show) and some other things.
But got fucking pissed off because well,thing are meant to happen right.
And we're prone to see things even if we dont wish to.
So yeah I did see something that made me boil my wits out.
Dont wanna touch on that.

Thanks Hanis. Ily and will always do <3

And for the to-do list for post-exam activities,it's bloody choked full with my baby girls.
Baking Session
My House Visit (FINALLY)
Manicure
Talks
Outings
Halloween Whatever Shit They Want
Whatever They Want To Do
I'll Just Follow And Have Fun

Rasul & Sofie.
You know what I mean.

Will always be here for you both.
Assholes :)

Notes,

2009-10-05T06:11:00.000-07:00

To the people I love. To the people I care for. To the people who matters. To the people who bothers. You people are special.
(For the rest not stated here,I love you if you love me too.)

For Erwin

For LiYeng
(Every 30th=Our Day)

For Hanis
(My Smile Will Always Linger In That Tiny Heart Of Yours..And Your Nose Too, Haha.)

For Elfac
(Whatever's happening..Dont Back Down. Let's Go Out Again !)

For Azimah
(I remembered you said 11 birds but I couldnt find one photo which has 11 ): )

For Sofie
(Dont Give Up What You Love To Do)

And lastly,for Ira & Sasa.

2009-10-05T01:34:00.003-07:00

EOY's here.

Will be back very soon.

God Bless.

For all the people still living,

2009-10-04T21:46:00.000-07:00

Photos coming up later.

"He loves me,he loves me not."

2009-10-04T05:16:00.000-07:00

I got my confidence level all pumped up again.
But I'm contented although I'm much of an optimist.
And I annoy myself with my confidence boost all the time because it always seems to fail.
What the fuck right.
I know.

I handed my portfolio to my art teacher for a check.
She was fucking worrying about me because I skipped lessons frequently.
And we were near tears after I showed her my progress.
I was kinda relieved after she got excited about my works and kept shouting at me 'why are you hiding yourself all this while?! Your works are great ! See mondre, you got it !'
"You're a hidden talent"

And that was when I started to tear , a little.

Dont be envious nor jealous or even think that i'm boasting it off.
Because when these words comes outfrom someone's mouth after your deep hard fall along with pretty much piles of shit over your head,you'll know what I mean.
Just dont give up whatever you want to do no matter how much others push you away from it yeah ?

Anyone wants to play the guitar for me? :)

Hi do you need a plaster ,

2009-10-03T06:41:00.000-07:00

Imagine 50 people boarding an smrt bus.
Imagine people wearing over 10 different vibrant coloured costumes walking down the street.
Imagine a massive group of people stuck at your house.
It was a blast.
And that was how we were that day.

Today had another round of raya with Hanis and co.
Photos coming up soon :)

Hey baby. I remembered you said you wished someone could take a photo like this (below) for you . And I didnt forget alright sayang.
Please dont be upset. Things happen for a reason. Make sure you overcome it yeah.
And i still love your 16mm ear very much,sexy ah haha.

Tadahhh

Happy right. K smile now.

Hey Erwin. I'd never forgive the person who did that to your face.
No matter how much people would tell me that he's a good person,I wouldn't change my mind a bit.
Because no good soul does that to people.
And I think he's a fucking skunk.

And if you could, please control your trap of yours being able to control what comes out from it.

If it's a false comment or an 'i think' view,please shut up. Because you'll make matters worse.

All I wanna know is, why the fucking hell did you punch my boyfriend you sack of shit.

2009-10-01T18:45:00.000-07:00

Massive photo burst

Hey cupcake.
Killer cute face eh.

Hey silly looking boy. Happy Advanced Birthday.
Old already uh,don't act so lame.
Cheers Paipai Faiz !

More photos soon.

2009-09-30T23:51:00.000-07:00

More Photos Soon.
Had A Whole Lot Of Fun.

Spineless and mindless,

2009-09-29T22:29:00.000-07:00

A punch on someone's face means nothing,not until you remember your roots and principles.
You're still not up there yet afterall.

Somebody's Homemade Immortality.

2009-09-29T21:49:00.000-07:00

Remember the last time you trusted your friend.
A friend who came forward,hoping for a listening ear.
To help him heal what he'd lost , to hear his distorted voice over the other other edge of the telephone wires.
After awhile things start to change and before you know it,you gained nothing out of this but a whole lot of reflections to do.
And it repeats. With many different people.

How many true friends do you have ?

Whom you dont nessesarily have to spend alot of time with but would love to hear from you once in awhile. Whom will always be there for you. And I mean always.

Not having the slightest feeling of awkward infront of them and would enjoy a day of with fuck loads of fun,write occasional cards for you and more.

A few weeks may not possible nurture this relationship. So forget it,forget about those wishful thinkings you have. Thinking that they'll stand out for you no matter what,thinking that they'll be a part of you any sooner. Thinking that all that they say is true.
Sack of shits.
You'll find yourself losing in the dead end.

I'm gonna head for another raya session today with the whole family finally.

I missed all of you like fuck.

My girls. Sofie here I come and I hope the rest of them would turn up too.

And I'm really excited cause Azimah's lending me her sister's baju kurung !

Whoa shitheads i'm so proud to wear it .. though it's kinda stuffy in there. Wish there was a build in air condition.

And about the post exam rewards that I'll get if I pass my current year,kinda felt bad.

They had high expecations of me before.

And you wont ever believe that I was in the top classes during primary school.

Still,they havent been giving up on me although I've been a burden. I know it.

Pathetic as it seems, I'm struggling to pass this year. But not giving up my friends either.

Getting ready for this,yeah bitch.

She wore too much wind song perfume,

2009-09-29T01:07:00.000-07:00

When we were younger :

I had my hair cut and some said I look like RuiEn .

But whatever the case is, my hair's short and leveled.

New Laptop + $100 + Trip To HongKong on the criteria if I pass my Secondary 3.

I dont feel good though.

I dont know why .

2009-09-28T01:25:00.000-07:00

I'm like surfing the net aimlessly.
I feel so bothered.
Going for a haircut NOW.

Fuck why do I always feel like cutting my hair when I feel messed up man.
Urgh.

Smile the way a real smile should look.

2009-09-28T00:56:00.000-07:00

Sofie's Pixie Lott-Use Somebody Cover.
I wonder how SG Idol's producers could reject such lovely voice like hers.
The finalists arent any better anyway * Rolls Eyes.

Open it in a new window.

I dreamt about having my own baby yesterday,

2009-09-27T00:58:00.000-07:00

I'm glad I wore a baju kurung for the first time and celebrate Hari Raya Aidilfitri for the first time in my whole entire life !
I'm Chinese,so whaaat ?

Everyone loves Mondre's cookies/muffins.
It's suppose to turn out as cookies but it's soft.
So is it muffins or cookies?
Anyway I think I could be a baker (?) .
Right Muss !

So I baked a lot for Elfac's open house.

The rest of the photos :
(Doesnt really matter if i look like cock)

During this shoot,I said " Put your hand on my shoulder like yknow how family portraits are ! And gimme you other hand so I could hold it ! (Gesture not shown)

Babygirl whose mom makes awesome curry potatoes.

Love <3

Left early before I could meet the rest cause Erwin has to work.
Yes and I mean work like finally he's working!

It's quite a good job at SupperClub,Bugis.
But his work times are hedious!
Just yesterday he worked from 8pm-8am.

People like the F1 racers and other big names go to club there and tonight The Black Eyes Peas will be going down. Omg fuck man.

So if anyone wants to club at somewhere new and exciting,this is it !
They even have beds where you can do your thing at (kidding..maybe not)
It's the glass building beside Bras Basah's Macdonalds and it's located at the upper floors.

EOY's coming .
Buckle up !

What you dont understand,

2009-09-23T02:51:00.000-07:00

I miss my haaaaaair.

D'you know that little actions,as minute as a smile could brighten someone's day in an instant.
D'you know that something nice that you say to someone means alot,even if it's a reminder about today's homework.
Because it means that you care. You notice. You bother.
You're probably too shy to let it out.

Thank You (s)
LiYeng Baby for the unexpected present even if it's not a special occasion today.
You made my day really.
Though the underwear seems too big for me.
I Love You.

Erwin
For today's treat. (<3)

Celestine Sofie Sarah Elfac Hanis Emilyn
For bothering to ask about me. Even if it was the slightest question. You know it yourself.

Rasul
For being there. It's the same here as well. I'll always stand by.

Failures & Insults
You only make me stronger.

In case I leave out anyone,I'm really sorry.
My memory is getting worse and I realised I have a strand of white hair already.
Dont worry,you'll always be appreciated.

Smile.

2009-09-22T01:30:00.000-07:00

Does anybody know why they like anything?

2009-09-22T00:49:00.000-07:00

Art.
Mindmaps.
Elaboration.
Sketches.
Drafts.
Colours.
Compositions.

And I just remembered I suck at drawing humans.

If you think anyone could bring you down with painful words,

2009-09-21T02:43:00.000-07:00

Selamat Hari Raya.
Hope you guys give and take with with pride,must be really happy for what you've received right?
Cant wait for Chinese New Year Already. Urgh.

Now, look at yourself in the mirror.
Look at your eyes,your lips,your nose.
How your brows grow.
How your bridge flows down.
How your skin pull over your flesh.
How those eyelids fold when you open up your eyes.
Are you happy with the way you look?
Why?

Beauty isnt a gift which everyone has.
The only gift you could earn on your own is a good heart.

I read The New Paper Yesterday.
But it's last Thursday's paper.
I read about The Teen Suicide Pact.
About the boy who could still laugh and give cold comments towards his friend's death.
They could still stand so firm about what they're doing is right.
And dropped themself out of school without having to graduate Secondary Four.
Being contented to throw insults at his principle's face.
What is the world becoming.
Horrible.

It's our 19th Month today.
Or is it still ?

Your every smile is an opening night,

2009-09-21T02:15:00.000-07:00

Finally,a damn gig.
Do come. Tickets are $10 each.
Get it from Ash.

If I had to choose between betraying my country and betraying my friend,

2009-09-19T01:07:00.000-07:00

I have loads of photos today. From Sheesha to Art Museum.
And some random photos I got.

Dont Eat The Screen Please.
I'm Not Paying For It.

National Museum

Sheesha

Hanis&Elfac Day (Y)

My Girls.
Need Them Right Now.
Now.

That's about it.
I'm so damn tired.
I feel disgusted by people,being able to leave their relationships behind and fucking them upside down even though they dont need them anymore.
Fuckers.

Disappeared. Poof !

2009-09-18T05:43:00.000-07:00

This is how things will be.
Things that you cant see or feel.
Things that could be brought away just like that within a snap of both fingers.
Things like Relationships.Trust.Friendships.Or even a pretence.

What a pity.
Important things like these just disappear and you'll find yourself in difficult positions.
Trying really hard to hate this and loathe that. Challenging in your own circles of restrictions.

Think,people makes mistakes.
People creates misunderstandings.
Isnt it the best way to talk things out?
Where's your values?
Where's everything that you taught me?
I remember the things you said till right now.
Though it's not alot but a few really long and concerned texts,it still matters and I heeded the advices.
I dont do those things anymore. Because like what you said,I'll think about myself and my family before actions. Those who'll get hurt because of my actions. It's still safe-locked in my head damnit.

One small misunderstanding,everything's gone.
Is it worth it? You know it alright.
Dont assume things,open up and ask,explain,talk and understand.

Damn tired playing this sucky game/please quit it soon.

(Tumblr Updated)

2009-09-18T01:04:00.000-07:00

I think I know who the spammer at the tagboard is.
Oh well,couldnt be bothered.

Like I said I choose what to say and what not to. And you better make things clear before starting shit.
As far as I know I only told 2 person about it and there's no way it's possible to spread as number 1,one of them is Erwin and the other is someone who is suppose to know about it in the first place.

That's all.

I've been studying and couldnt find time to blog.
Now that I'm at Erwin's,I'll just make a quick one.

I've been communicating with people more and it feels really good.
Haha and I finally learn to take notice at my surroundings.
For instance :
(This happened on the bus on my way home from school. There was this guy sitting behind me.)
Guy:I wanna look for a girlfriend after my N Levels
And I dont want them to have tattoos or piercings.

(I was having my eyebrow one on)

He continues:These people this it's cool and fierce lah/ But I find it stupid. And I think it's stupid.
I dont care if anyone hears me or wanna whack me up. It's only my opinion.

(Hahahaha. Suck My Dick)

People with these things on their skin or their faces dont do it for fun/To show off! (except for some)
We think it's an art and anyway whose skin is it?
Funny Guy.

Trust people more often,

2009-09-13T00:35:00.000-07:00

I think I trusted people toooo (waaaay tooooo) much.
I think I tell too much to people.
I think I share my joy too often.
I think I care too much.
I think I did too much.
I think I ask too much.
I think i'm too concern.
I think I should stop.
Should I?

I thought people loved to be cared about.
I thought people loved to have someone by their side.
I thought people loved to have a listening ear always.
I though people needs love and support.
I though...
I think .. I think waaay to much.
Right?

Haha what the fuck.

Right or wrong,good or bad,

2009-09-12T23:35:00.000-07:00

Many things have been cropping up.
And many things have been said.
I just listen,and try to comprehend.
I hope to help you out,and get you back on track.
Many things are short-lived please understand.
Dont disappear for too long darling,I promise not to tell.
Because I know how you feel.
And you shouldn't be going through this.
I miss the times we've spent together,
though it's not too long,
but it sure is great.
Get up and go.
More important things for you to get your head into.

2009-09-10T02:48:00.001-07:00

Guess you didnt fall hard enough..

Follow your heart.

2009-09-09T22:15:00.000-07:00

FOLLOW MY TUMBLR

You won't change,

2009-09-09T22:00:00.000-07:00

"My brother's having a fever and my mom has to work. I have to look after him for the day. I'm sorry I cant spend the day with you. I didnt expect this,I'll make it up to you okay?"

"I knew this would happen. But you promised to break fast with me didnt you? I'm sure we cant meet until a long time later."

"I can,I'm sure. If my brother gets better and I know he will,hopefully by today,I can meet you. You dont wanna come over right? So yeah there's no other way we can meet. I didnt want this to happen?"

"It's always like that"
*Hangs Up

I'm sorry I dont have a maid,nor a father. Would you be more understanding for once?
Fuck it man. Fuck you.

I'm simply weird like that,

2009-09-09T21:29:00.000-07:00

"I Love You"
"I Know,And I Know How Lucky That Makes Me.Come On Let's Take A Shower."

I Watch Him Go,Wondering What The Fuck That Meant To Me.

I know how it feels at the edge of your bed,

2009-09-09T10:06:00.000-07:00

Boys fall in love with me at first
sight
Bet they change their minds when they look again
though

Que sera sera.

2009-09-09T03:30:00.000-07:00

Last Week Of Enjoyment.
Last Week Of Freedom.
Last Week Of Out Of Control.
Last Week Of Indulgence.

Let's Get The Heat Coming.

Calming Your Veins . Carefree . High .

Last Week Before Your Deathroll Starts.

You Better Play Well.

"I read your mind like an open book" ,

2009-09-08T23:56:00.000-07:00

Time for a change of playlist!
Working on it still.
Schedule's way packed tomorrow.
Meeting up with my old friends and do some catching up.
And afterwards a date with Erwin.
Wishful thinkings maybe.
See,what can I say.. I cant stop thinking about everything.
From the slightest thing of plain thinking.
To the over-reacting of my thoughts making me panicky and nervous,paranoid all over my being. Funny. I am laughing right now.

Have you ever tried quitting a bad habit,one that has come to define you
?
To cease using a substance.Any substance that you not only need but enjoy
?
To stop yourself from lighting up that cigarette ? It's going to kill you
.
But hey,you're going to die someday anyway,why not die happy.
Why not die buzzed ?
Why not die satisfied ?
Why not die sooner with fewer regrets than later?

When you love someone,you don't want to hurt them,

2009-09-08T12:29:00.000-07:00

www.mon-x.tumblr.com

Reality closes you in,

2009-09-08T09:12:00.000-07:00

Thank You.

No more tough talks now.
Cause Kinder Bueno's keeping me company.
No more immense thinkings now.
Glad that Twilight agreed to let me watch it play.
To keep my mind off uncertaincy.

What're you doing then?

The eastern window silvers,

2009-09-08T06:43:00.000-07:00

Surprised to see these kinda shoes at Adidas. Haha,oh well.
Boxers . Make Up Products. (i bought those three products at only $9+ in total. Quality's well done in fact. And one of them's from Silky Girl.) . Gums . Bottles . Bras (not in picture)

And I finally took an accurate measurement for my health system.
To prove (Erwin!) wrong that i'm not overweight:

Weight: 42.4
Height:158 (!! I grew taller at last.)
BMI: 17.7(what do you expect. I'm a food maniac)
Body Fat Index: 22.9 %

And I'm underweight with lack of nutrients and fats.
What the fuck. So much for extreme eating.

Less food. More liquid.

2009-09-08T03:46:00.000-07:00

I'm back from Malaysia.
Bought quite a bit and relieved myself even more so it means i'm kinda contented.
I guess it's fine right now. We're fine.
But still not in place though no matter how much I wish we could be.
No space to despair even further. I'll take it the way it is.

Back at Malaysia,we shopped at a huge-but-quite-empty mall and managed to get loads of stuff from Adidas because it's the only appropriate shop right there. Imagine how bad it is.
I bought a matching shoe with my little brother and three bottles. Adds up to RM1300++ in total for 6 pairs of shoes,4 clothings and 3 bottles in all. But after discount it's RM800++ so it's a good bargain. I'll post photos later on.

Shall pause here for the time being.
We're cool. I'm cool.
Thanks all . Lotsa Looove.

I need patience,

2009-09-06T09:14:00.000-07:00

I want answers but we live on questions.
I cant bring myself to wait but you need the time.
I hang myself on confusions and multiple emotion swings trying to understand what's going on.
This moment I'm good. The other I'm pretty nasty.
You're pulling away. And I know it. So what's going on sugar. Please tell me.

Got a show coming up : November 21st. Thank god Ash. You're an awesome Niggah.

Where nothing is everything,

2009-09-05T22:19:00.000-07:00

I cant upload photos.
I cant upload photos.
I cant upload photos.

2009-08-31T03:57:00.000-07:00

Wish I could throw darts on his face.
Teacher's Day's celebration wasn't too bad.
I enjoyed the excercising part the most though.
Azimah was literally club dancing and shaking every thing of hers and we girls formed a circle and wobbled of booties to the music. Big circle.

Spending the day with the girls tomorrow at Sentosa.
Looking forward to try the new bikini I bought from Club Marc just two days ago at a crazy price of $3. Hope this cheap stuff hasnt any orgasm on it.

I bought a new book. It's called "Pin Down".
It's about this girl being abused and sent to different homes in the state,being bullied,drugged,raped and anything else you could think of. Her dad's a hardcore drinker while her mom left her alone and tried to lead her in to a suicide.
I bought it for $42 from Borders.
Great Book.

I'll be linking those people whom reads this space and links me on their blog.
Old friends and such,but if you wanna be linked please leave a tag..c'mon dont
be shy. I'm not a monster though the first three letters of my name matches with
it.

2009-08-29T23:26:00.000-07:00

"Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl it's alright
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly
When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means "

Reserved,

2009-08-29T20:52:00.000-07:00

No more Erwin.
No more laughter.
No more fighting on the bed.
No more chinese tom-yum.
No more annoying phone calls.
No more kisses on the forehead.
No more kissing-off-the-tears.
No more pats on the head.
No more sniffs on my skin.
No more tapping of your fingers on my hands.
No more kung-fu battles.
No more so-many-more.

It's that easy to bring someone down.

2009-08-29T09:17:00.000-07:00

I am feeling very funny right now.
Some sort of like a thinker,a victim,a guilty charged person,a bitch,a small girl,a confused whore,a heartache master,a rabbit,a snake,a barbie doll.

But whatever it is,I know my heart feels like it's tearing and I'm feeling really sorry for it.

Love is all you need.

2009-08-29T08:34:00.000-07:00

I need someone to show me some love.
Just make me feel that you care please.
Dont hide your feelings.
I really dont mind.
I feel useless now.
I feel exhausted now.
I'm tired of welling up mu eyes now and then,forcing stupid tears to hide back in again.

Fuck you.

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever.

2009-08-28T19:05:00.000-07:00

I'm free.
I dont mind.
It doesnt matter anymore.
As far as I know,something's dont change.
Or rather,doesnt want to change.
I'll give this shot a chance.
Let's see how far could it take us.

Life's a process,we are a process,

2009-08-27T02:30:00.000-07:00

It's repeating again.
Despite the pressure and pain.
How many times do you need to go through failure.
Before you finally get to feel that you're worthwhile.

I will remember not to give up just yet.
Thought I'm not even halfway there.
I'm not just gonna stop here and stare,
at all these procedures taking place in a single nightmare.

I need a gig please,someone please give me a fucking gig.

If you don't know what you want,

2009-08-26T01:41:00.000-07:00

It expresses better when we write in simple words.
It saves time thinking about profound words to use.
It saves people from not understanding what we mean.

I failed my English,and that is today.
Actually,I had great news to blog about yesterday but I didnt get to use the Internet. So I'm still thinking whether or not to break it out to you (dear friend) 'cause I have more even more unpleasant news to share. I guess I'll skip the consolation and carry on with the ruinous.

I miss my dad. It's his birthday today. And I was really glad he called yesterday to ask if I would want to celebrate it with him before midnight. I did not know why was he so eager to celebrate with us. But whatever it was,I felt really glad he decided to. I didnt mind. I swear.

At this point of time,you might find it a dread to read all these shit but it doesnt matter much to me because i'm feeling relieved writing in this manner and I think you should try it too.

So anyway,mom said that it was too late and didnt think it was a great idea so she called dad and explain to him. I heard her raising her voice. I felt bad.

But it was worse after I heard "until you learn how to prioritise your kids. " and "anyway you had plans already right?" refers to him travelling to malaysia tomorrow for "work". I gave a second thought and was disappointed because I figured out that he might be going over to celebrate his birthday there on the actual day and left these few hours for his family. Minutes later,I grew even madder thinking that he might be going over with "her".

I cried really hard,not harder than the day he left us though.
I wished him a "Happy Birthday" at 12am sharp anyway.

I was disappointed at myself not for failing English.
But for having high hopes again in the begining.
This happens all the time and it's annoying how we need to accept it isn't it.

And lastly,I dont find anything interesting to laugh at anymore.
I found it quite hard to laugh.I'd rather think about things and observe people more.
You might be thinking as if there's so much to think about and to observe to and that i'm just talking crap. Then again it doesnt matter to me cause I feel more comfortable writing like this. You should try it too.

P.S. Azimah,if you think this writing style is really similar to something you had read somewhere,you're right. Thanks for the hug too.

I'm done and I feel much better now.
Thank you.

I feel it too,

2009-08-23T00:00:00.000-07:00

"I hate this feeling. Like I'm here, but I'm not. Like someone cares.
But they don't. Like I belong somewhere else, anywhere but here, and escape lies
just past that snowy window, cool and crisp as the February air. I considered
the streets beyond, bleak as the bleached bones of wilderness scaffolding my
heart. Just a stone's throw away."

Reminder:

Ily :)

2009-08-22T12:08:00.000-07:00

I just got a confession from some ramdon malaysian guy I knew on myspace.
These are the things i remembered from the convo.

"You're amazing. I dream of you every night. I respect you. I can move to Singapore this December and stay at Sentosa so I could see you. I like you. But i want you to be my best friend."

I'm speechless. I tried very hard not to laugh.

Something,

2009-08-22T04:09:00.000-07:00

I'm so bored right now.
It's the first day of fasting month so everyone's staying home today.
No Gigs. No Town. No Hanging Around.
Sad Face.

I've been buying many books and magazines lately.
It's a good thing.
I dont have to stone in trains or buses looking at others picking their noses.
Disgusted Face.

BayBeats is a week away.
Still making my choice whether to go or not.
Haven't heard of any band before except For Better Endings.
So I'll be going for the last day if I decide to go.
Must stop thinking so much now.
Making my head swirl.
Confused Face.

Think about those pretty weather days,

2009-08-22T02:27:00.000-07:00

You think about the prettiest eyes you've known,and you start crying really hard.
I like it when people encourage me to move on.
But these people dont come by often.
They might be shy.
They might not have the guts to deliver these words.

Observe.Feel.Understand.Make A Move
Observe the people around you
Feel their inner emotions and thoughts. You could just as well make a wild guess,you dont need to be a mind reader to achieve this.
Understand their situations and reasons they're being upset for.
Make a move- write a note,ask random questions,tell them a lame joke,give them a pat on their shoulders to make them feel that you care.

It's that horrifyingly simple.
But most of us dont notice this.

Hi friend,

2009-08-21T00:59:00.000-07:00

18 months have past.
Still,love for you couldn't be described in words.
You're taking everything that I give.
Good Bad Happiness Sadness Pain Grief Joy Insanity Pleasure Sweetness Practically Everything.
Just like a sponge.
Absorbing so well.
So perfect.

The sparks and light still brighten my heart as much as before.
Whenever I see you smile.
Thank you very very much. (L)

My tests are over.
How about yours.
I feel insecure about it.
What about you?
I expect the mediocre disappointment over again.
I didn't mug hard enough.
But I wont stop trying.
And you shouldn't too.
I want to path my life well.
Nourish it as much as I can.
And not regret it with the same ol' feelings I've been coming across for years anymore.
Though I'm quite immune to it,it doesnt mean I want it to stay this way and do nothing about it.
And you shouldnt too.

I bought a new book.
The Perks Of Being A Wallflower.
I think you should read it too.
It helps you understand people's thoughts better,fuller and understand the whole meaning of their thoughts.
Even the person themselves might not have any idea how to pen them down.

I love 'thank you'(s).
I've been receiving quite a couple of these everyday.
I hate my advices being taken for granted and see someone I love going astray.
I blame myself instead,why hadnt you do a better job as a god damn friend.
I guess I'm only capable of certain things.
Not as great as I thought I would be.

The boy was scared now,

2009-08-19T01:48:00.000-07:00

This little girl adored that passion that lifted her.
Dancing on her ten toes,swifting towards different angles.
Straining every thigh muscles,twisting those hips,indulging into the rhythms of latino.
4 inches heels doesn't matter.
Bare skins dont bother.

Now tell me what am I working towards.
When my dream's all shattered.

If I could wake up in a different place, at a different time,

2009-08-19T01:21:00.000-07:00

Do you feel useless whenever you fail.
Ever thought of giving up cause you're tired of trying.
Never thought you'll make a success out of anything.
Always having efforts drained to nothing.
And after all you had it at the beginning.
The confidence and strength for a change of your being.
Never earn a chance of winning.

However strong you may seem.
You wont figure out the purpose of living.

When everything keeps you falling on your knees.
Only hoping for an empty space to breathe.

It's so hard to forget pain,

2009-08-16T00:42:00.000-07:00

Managed to catch Straight Forward at Step Aside/Comrade's EP launch yesterday bus missed the two main stars of the night as I had to rush to Cineleisure for Honey's perfornamce. Got their EP as well so if you want the tracks do ask from me. Thank you Azimah.

STRAIGHT FORWARD

Common tests are nearing. All the best to everyone of you sitting for exams soon. Dont stress yourself out,turn on some soothing tunes along with a mug of your favourite liquid and make them your companions during this period of time. Learn well,play well,balance well. It'll turn out well .

Smile.

A leopard never changes it's spots?

2009-08-15T01:57:00.000-07:00

I'd never agree on this quote.
It isn't any close to realistic nor agreeable.

1. Think about it,what do you want the opposite party
to feel when you say this to them? It's not a comparison between a human and an
animal isn't it? So why use it on humans? And most probably you'll want them to
realise that they haven't changed at all. If so,just get to the point and tell
them that they haven't changed. Quotes doesn't work all the time.

2.How could a
leopard possibly change their spots? They cant possibly wash them off,or scraple
them away because it's one of their characteristics,it's in their damn
genes.
Dont you feel stupid saying this to
people knowing that leopards cant do anything about their spots? Lastly,
Leopard's spots= Appearance. Human's Attitude= Inner Beauty.

So what's the debate about?

Beauty,

2009-08-15T01:21:00.001-07:00

Currently: Eating Yami Yougurt.
Listening To: Armed With A Mind - Have Heart

Appearance isn't important.
The more it doesnt have to bring you down.
How long can beauty last you?
Who would really appreciate it?

Your partner,your friends ?
Once it's taken away,they wont stand by you anymore?

Have you ever thought about the make up you wear,I wear,we all wear,
means nothing much but just temporary way to make you look better.

When we're back home,we stare right at the mirror,removing your fake eye-lashesMascaraEye-LinerFoundationBlushersEye Shadows.
And what do you feel when you look at your naked self?
You know it dont you?
I feel it too.
But I'm not demoralised.
I dont cry and attempt suicide cause people insult the way I look.
I feel better instead.
Feel much better because these people dont know the way I work with my mind and beautiful heart.
They dont bring you down,they're there for you to overcome.

You'll find the one who really appreciates you,not for your deceiving outer beauty,but for your Wonderful selfNatural Inner Beauty.

Nothing exists too far,

2009-08-13T02:28:00.000-07:00

What am I doing right now: Munching On J-Co's Dounuts.
What I just did:Destroyed their package box beause I cant figure out the way to open it.

Than anything else.
But these people just dont get it,their propelling greed takes over them,creating the monsters in their self.
They dont realise pain - 'cause they're not the ones suffering.
They dont treasure money - 'cause they'll spend billions ever-creating new nuclear toys everyday hoping to conquer the world.
They dont see love - 'cause they left their families to discriminate they're own kind.
They dont have a heart - only to follow orders given by their leader,following his god damn heart.
Most of all,peace doesn't exist in them - unless killing/torturing/slaughtering/discriminating means peace to you.

Created a new poll under 'Tagboard'.
Smile.

There's always one soul,

2009-08-11T21:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you appear calm.
But might be burning up inside.

Perhaps you look tired.
But might be shattered within.

Maybe you present yourslf well.
But feel indifferent from others.

This is how people pressume you are on the shabby an shallow external skin.

This is how you tell your mind,the way you bottle up your being,protecting yourself from uncalled for comments.

Does it matter if no one is willing to listen?
Does it really matter if you dont have anyone to confide in?

Why not take a chance,to listen to your thoughts and confide in your beautiful self.
Sometimes words cant be spoken because it's kinda hard to describe what you're feeling within isn't it?

Let your feelings themselves do the talking,and you,as a listener,pay good attention and help relieve your heavy load.

Smile.

If a jotter book doesn't work on me,

2009-08-11T01:26:00.000-07:00

When inspiration comes,

2009-08-11T00:28:00.000-07:00

You think of long withered wild grasses that gives a golden glow.

You yearn for the buzzling lights of new york city you got a glance through the TV.

You love to daze your soul to soft tunes,allowing inner thoughts to overwhelm your mind.

You want these tinggling feelings,a moment of relief,strength and inspiration to retain within you.

What you dont come to realise is that these moments dont last long.
Cherish them as they come by,to enlighten you just for that short moment and make damn sure you learn something from them.

Smile.

Ultimately,

2009-08-10T05:30:00.000-07:00

Are you just a wild animal,

2009-08-10T04:55:00.000-07:00

If you realised,my nostrils are triangular.
Smile.

There's no explanation. No reasons . No manner.
To possibly describe our thoughts and actions.

Your mind is the key to lead you.
If you have a weak mind,you'll tend to fail,to sway away and to remain unfocused.
Just like how I am right now.

Adjust your living style.
You dont need loads of cash,lots of encouragement from others or any help from anyone.
It's your life and it's your path.

You may not get the 100 percent from others as well.
Always back yourself up and always stand up for yourself.

It's better to be late than never.
Show yourself that you're worth it.

Starting from now.
(Remember all the beautiful things you could possibly get.[Insert Desires/Craves]
If you cant remember it cause you own a weak mind,own a jotter book.
It might be as useful as you cant imagine.)

This is life,

2009-08-09T22:46:00.000-07:00

Went for a haircut yesterday and chopped off the dry and wavy back.
It looks much neater now. All smiles.

Have it ever occurred to you,that you have many things in mind that you wanna do very much at that split second but loses the motivation the very next?

Or maybe you may be sitting in buses,trains or other modes of transports(mostly buses i have no idea why),and begin to think alot about different aspects of things,embracing the feeling each moment's giving you?

But somehow those thoughts breaks away when you're back in the crowded environment where it's noisy,buzzling with people and when you're a part of the mediocre.
It sucks so much doesnt it.
Being alone is not a bad thing,it doesnt mean that you dont have friends,nor companions.
You may have many partners,the best friend of yours is always-yourself.

Credits,

2009-08-08T23:10:00.000-07:00

I realise that people are starting to rip my post,well not exactly ripping.
But the videos and the post itself are very very similar.
It is not wrong,not a crime or anything else.
And most definately not labelled as a "copy-cat" under my views.

But I'd appreciate if you'd be just as kind to name the source you got the post from.
Thanks.

2009-08-06T21:56:00.000-07:00

Outdated Photos

Gig At Odiocrib

Pai's BBQ Celebration

What the hell

(What the hell)x2

We have no scar to leave happiness,

2009-08-06T21:23:00.000-07:00

Back from school.
It was really boring. Annual Fiesta.
Food.Keychains.Balloons.
Urgh.
Schools have no innovatons and creativity.
One of the reasons why most students lacked the interest to study.

There's a gig tmr at Fad's Media.
Not too sure about the details myself.
But quite a number of bands performing and it's a great place.

Tickets are at 10$.
Day-light robbery.

Gonna meet up with Elfac and babe now.
My was-to-be-surprise didnt turn out well at all.

Was planning to get honey some apparels for coming anniversary.
Now he's choosing the gifts himself.
Stupid big mouth of mine.

Contrasts

2009-07-31T11:05:00.000-07:00

Millions Of Girls Wanna Slim Down.
Millions Of Girls Wanna Lose Weight.
Anorexia Nervosia Is Not Fun.
Anerexia Nervosia Is Not Pretty.
While Billions Of People Are Caught In Famine.
What The Fuck Are You Doing.

Every Five Seconds. One Child Dies From Famine In Africa.

If You Dont Know,Dont Fake It.

2009-07-31T09:08:00.000-07:00

If you dont know hardcore,dont pretend you know it.
If you hated hardcore,dont pretend to like it now.
If you condemned hardcore,dont turn back begging on your knees.
If you didnt wanted to attend hardcore gigs,dont attend it even now.

Why does everyone follow the flow all the time like some worthless being?
Where's your dignity?

You dont put something right at the top when it was at the rock bottom of your list before.
If you dont appreciate it,dont ever.

It's not about the trend.
It's about the meanings it hold.
Hardcore holds the most.

A bitch doesnt bother to fill her empty vessels and will never get the chance to.

Putting Up A Pretence

2009-07-31T08:07:00.001-07:00

I give up man.
Trying to please everyone at the same time hoping to prove the 'You Cannot Satisfy Everyone' quote wrong.
It's such a task.
Being cautious about your own being,picking the right replies to please someone.
I gave up long ago actually.
That's why being so care-free rocks to the vagina.

Deprived fairytales to tell.

2009-07-26T22:07:00.000-07:00

Hope you're happy with the surprises Sarah Elfac.

Hope you've enjoyed the ice cream cake Elfac.

Hope you've enjoyed the whole of your 17th birthday Sarah.

Thank you Azimah.
Enjoyed panicking with you.

Enjoyed your lovely home and mom.
Enjoyed you piercing the needle into my skin.

Brow pierced finally.

Thank you Mondre.

For the sleepless nights and increasing eyebags still.

Thank you for mixing up my feelings once again.

Thank you for being anti social with people.

Thank you for ruining yourself.

Afternoon Mosh @ Crawlspace

2009-07-19T22:01:00.000-07:00

Thank you Ash.

Thank you Elfac.

Most Of All,Thank You My Darling (Y)

Lotsa blood?

2009-07-16T03:12:00.000-07:00

BrowPiercingAzimahBloodAlcoholIceBreakTimeYay

MixedFeelingsAppearanceInsecureParaniodLaughingStock

UnhappyFacesShiveringSelfScratchedFace

JimJonesPeople'sTempleTragedy
AbusedChildrenPovertyFuckYouAll

Open my hands and find out that they're empty.

2009-07-14T21:59:00.000-07:00

(motionless)
Realized that we really live in a very realistic world.
Too realistic to be true.
It can kill you anytime.
Who's the mastermind.

Cause you're a big fat sucker who ruin all beautiful things.

Wernicke's Aphasic

2009-07-13T03:57:00.000-07:00

Loss of comprehension. Understand neither what one says or hear.

Thank You Best Friend.

Been delighted for the past week.
Doing crafts and spending time out.
Spending lotsa money.
Loving lotsa people.

I really love Sarah Elfac.

Break The Chains

2009-07-08T04:19:00.000-07:00

..was awesome. Adding on,

Happy Belated 19th Birthday Sasa.

I love Sarah Elfac.

How could I ?

2009-07-04T00:50:00.000-07:00

A form of communication.

2009-07-03T01:00:00.000-07:00

I've got a tagboard so feel free to fill it up with :

Thoughts.Comments.Views.Prospectives.
Questions. Queries.Doubts.Feelings.Note.
Reminders.Informations.Updates.Anything
that are not subjected to the word "mean" .

Nothing matters more than you right now.

2009-07-02T02:27:00.000-07:00

I wanted him to kiss me

with every nerve

every fibre

every molecule

of my being

It was gentle persuasion

Sweetest coercion

Magnet to metal

That brought us together

I made it honey.

I made the banner thing and it turned out looking pretty well done.

I hope,for at least.

Now you're smiling.

You know,I really miss you.

Integrity,now bleeds away.

2009-06-29T03:34:00.000-07:00

..as tired hearts are left to fucking drain.

You were sitting right at the back.
The stage was high.
People were crowding in the front,shouting and screaming together.
I held the mic tight but I cant hold the pain.
I let those tears flow so smoothly,straining those jaw muscles open to cry.
No one noticed.
It was dark.
Noisy.
And full of emotions.

See how much pain you've cost.
See how much pain I've kept.

Roadtrip..

2009-06-26T14:58:00.000-07:00

Off to malaysia for the gig in the evening.
Wanna wish Fake Eyelash,especially Pai ans Syiqa for their performance at Fall Of Mirra's EP Launch.

Ta.

Nothing less than a conversation.

2009-06-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

"Did you call ____?"
"Whose that?"
"That woman. Maybe she knows where ___ is."
"Whose that woman? You mean ___'s girlfriend? "
"Yeah."
"Huh why should I call her? You worry something might happen?"

___ was back.
___ cried on the phone while talking to me because she had made the call I asked her to.

It was a bad idea.

Where'd you go?

2009-06-26T03:15:00.000-07:00

____ went missing.
For almost 24 hours.

Sleepless

2009-06-20T12:28:00.000-07:00

Thickness of these eyebags are accumulating surprisingly fast.

Amazing.

It's our 14th month today. As always,every 21st always feels different.

More excitement maybe. Looking forward to spend time with each other,bringing back those sweet ol' memories.

Happy 14th Month Darling.

Love could never be expressed in text form.

Open up your heart..

2009-06-15T05:43:00.000-07:00

..and know what's best for yourself.